Wednesday, August 10, 2011

To Texas

Tomorrow I leave for Texas. This was a trip planned prior to my father's death and something that I know he would want me to do. However, as I sit here at my mother's computer, with 3 recent photos of my father in front of me, I am reluctant to go.

Dealing with death is a funny thing. As a health care provider, I have read the stages of grieving. I know the importance of acceptance. I know the importance of not pretending it doesn't exist. As a human being and daughter, none of these things make sense to me. I went home to Rhode Island after his death and dove back into work, keeping up my house, and dinner with friends. Texas means I have none of those distractions. I will have to face his death and that pain it has left. This, I know, I am not good at.

I am hoping that my trip to Texas will be a positive one. A time to remember all the amazing things that made my father who he was. To remind me he is always with me in heart and spirit.

Monday, August 8, 2011


I love his work.

Forever Ago

It has been forever ago that I last posted. I had given up on blogging, feeling that there was nothing "exciting" worth blogging about...or reading about, for that matter. I have decided to start back up, if only to purge my thoughts, but maybe also to stay connected to those that are far from me.

A lot has happened. Where to start....

1) My new home (not exactly new any more) is Hope, Rhode Island. I love my home. Cows across the street. Lake in the back. Wonderful neighbors. And space. Lots of space.

2) I have transitioned into a full-time midwife. The past year has been very bumpy and I was not sure I would make it, but, amazingly I did. And I feel stronger for it.

3) My father died. One day he was there, and the next he was gone. This is not something that I have completely come to grips with and something that has deeply effected me in ways that I am not even sure I am aware of yet. This is a daily struggle for me.

4) I have not been on my mat for almost a year!

A year ago I would not have believed any of these things were possible. Not a single one. I spoke with a yogi friend of mine today and just talking with her motivated me to start blogging again. If if it is only for me, maybe it will help me to be more aware, present, and reflective.

So, I am going to start practicing again. Even if it is just Surya A and B, with closing postures, I will get back to my mat.

I am going to keep up with my reading. Less TV. More books.

I am going to start journaling/writing. I was told to do this by a healer in India, and have resisted.

What I am reading now: The Tiger's Wife