Stagnation or Stillness

I awoke today in a bit of a frenzy. I turned over to see the clock flashing 7am, and not realizing what day it was, began to panic that I had missed practice. In trying to arise from the fog of sleep, I slowly concluded that today was Sunday and actually still had an hour of sleep ahead of me.

I love Sunday practices. I think they are especially juicy because I get to sleep in and I usually have no where to be during the day. This day in particular I had no work to do, no tests to study for and no house to frantically clean. There is something to being able to "lolly-gag" on the mat and really sink into the practice, loosing track of time. However, this was not the case this morning. I had come to think that this pervading feeling of "stagnation" that I am experiencing recently during my yoga practice would come to fade when the stress and anxiety of school wore off, but as I practiced I felt myself riding along this forever stretching plateau. It is not a lack of enjoyment or excitement, but more of a lull. In the past two years I have moved through primary series and into second series with a steady pace. New poses bringing new challenges and hurdles. However, I am now into month 3 of consistency, sameness, repetition. No new poses and no new challenges, just the same struggles...jumping back, rising out of karandavasana, backward bends. It is as though I am sitting in my own stew, marinating in the difficulty and lack of progress. It is hard and it is frustrating. It is uncomfortable.

I decided, while biking home, that I need to change my perspective. I will now be trying to refer to this period, not of stagnation (because somehow that conjures up flies and stale sewage) but of stillness. Maybe this is where the learning really takes place. Where the understanding and connection grows. Where practice meets theory. It is so easy to get caught up in the bustle of everything, to get dragged by the current, that when the water becomes still it is as if I have forgotten how to swim. Without the pull and push, I am left to do all the work. But I am thinking this is where development and growth happen. In this stillness. There is a strawberry here somewhere. I might just have to sweat it out for a bit.

As this is my last day on call, I have been thinking a lot about this past semester and the 22 babies I have caught. I have written a lot for today, so stay tuned for some thoughts on the whole baby catching business:)

I was talking with a friend today about blogging and said that I felt it could be a bit narcissistic in some ways. Here I am, assuming that I have something interesting to say, when maybe it is all just a bit of chatter. She suggested that blogs can be a great way to share information. So in light of her brilliant suggestion, I think I will try to share one interesting thing when I blog, whether it be an article or a beautiful picture, or maybe just a silly joke. Here is today's. My cousin's wife is an amazing artist and I am deeply moved by her paintings. There is a youthfulness and playfulness to her work, yet at the same time there is so much depth and mystery. I wish I could crawl into her paintings and get lost in the details. Check out her website!

http://web.mac.com/kaetlynwilcox/iWeb/Site/Home.html

Mark and I are off to Washington D.C. tomorrow to explore and enjoy. Pictures to come (once I figure out how to post them...and if we remember the camera:)